A mans view on helping men to understand the transition from relaxed to natural hair.

     I'm still laughing so there isn't much of a summary to go with this. This video is a has some good points on how to get your partner to understand, what you are doing to your hair and how it will benefit the overall, texture and appearance of your coif. Alot of people think relaxed hair all you need to do is put in some relaxer  and then it's da dun dun, similarly alot of persons believe that just because they are natural they can be running around looking  ashy headed  or they put lots of hair colour in their hair, or flat iron it all the time without heat protectant. Hair both relaxed and natural requires care and attention in order to maintain optimum health. Plus there is nothing wrong with educating your brother/father/man/husband about black hair care, it could be a way to increase intimacy or just build up some communication. Also it would stop you getting the looks like you are speaking spanish when you are talking about trying something new to moisturize and seal.      
     I have found that men do appreciate the effort that is put into maintenance be it hair, fitness or health even more so when they understand what the different processes are, and how different products work. Type 4 hair in the building. lol lol watch the video guys.

xx

Miss Mai

I will wait for you.....

My cousin popped up in fb chat with the link for this video, and said "this is to make you feel better, to let you know that God will send you Mr Right. So you will wait on him for him."
This video is not new to me, I have seen it before on blogs and around the internet, but who it came from and the message it came with touched me. Listen and enjoy.

Who are you?

The Bible says that Jesus aside his "garments to wash the the disciples feet." He was willing to become transparent and let them see who he really was. One author, "I must tell you - after playing football and spending hours in a musty locker rooms - it's much easier to undress when others are undressing, than it is to walk into an executive boardroom and disrobe." This would be true even if the room was filled with the same men you work out with. It's not who they are, it's that your comfort zone is destroyed when you feel like you're the only one who's naked. Jesus taught a powerful lesson. He rose from supper and began to disrobe in front of men who were still fully clothed. Our problem is that we don't want to be seen as the only one with problems and needs. But fear of being different can lock you in a prison of pretense. Jesus took a step few would dare to. His laid aside his garments (image) before those he'd labored to inspire. Real ministry starts the moment we stop trying to impress each other and say. "This is who I really am." 

Bob Marley on love...

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

- Bob Marley

Driven: Motivating women to be their best selves in relationships

They say good writing good ideas take time to develop but having good friends with great minds means that you’ll get there that much quicker with help and inspiration. A typical Tuesday conversation with my good friend Kae-Toya turned into a terrific idea for a blog post. It seems as if she had been cultivating the idea of men in relationships for a while. Her main premise “men need love too”. My initial reaction was uncertain as I wanted to keep the blog focused about being driven towards educational, financial, and vocational fulfilment. Little did I realize that sometimes the driving force behind these desires may be a spouse/lover/girlfriend/boyfriend etc.

We then decided to collaborate on this spicy topic of love interests from a masculine and a feminine perspective.

So here goes: Driven, motivating women to be their best selves in relationships. 
Kae-Toya started off by mentioning that men need love too. As a man I embrace this statement and wish that more women would see us men on the other side of the coin trying desperately to be all things to our better halves. Needless to say that we are at times not catered to as we cater to women’s. As my co-writer so aptly added “women should send a man flowers, rub his feet, cook his favourite meal and buy him boxers just because its Tuesday”. The look of “oh yeah” was plastered helplessly across my face as I though that should any women would do these things for me I would run off the auction block so fast that the ground would shake uncontrollably. She out did herself by adding the special occasion sex for no other reason than its Wednesday and got me to thinking.

Men are by nature predators/hunters we size women up weigh the pros and cons and after all is said and done we charge in head first. Some might be overzealous at the sight of some “chrome skin” while others might be intrigued by the mystery that is her character (raises hand in guilt). Others still might just enjoy the thrill of the chase and the conquest but let’s not dwell on that.


Our focus is on women and how they can be driven to be their best selves in relationships. Allot is expected of men being the patriarchal figure in society. We hunt (work) and gather (get paid) all to our benefit and also to the women in our lives. All we (I) ask in return is for some consideration (and by this I mean pampering) on our behalves. What self respecting man would not enjoy his wife sending him flowers, chocolate and a teddy bear at work for his birthday or valentines or just because. It might appear a bit fruity to the other guys but bet your bottom dollar they will all go home and tell their women what Shawn’s woman/wife did for him and how they too should step up to the plate. In speaking of holidays despite the fact that men only get fathers day and birthdays to feel special everything else is commercialised around getting gifts for women. A fact that they never let us forget. Try coming home empty handed on valentines and see what happens (dog house). Yet very few men receive gifts on this day. If it is indeed a day of love lets share it both ways. And when you do, don’t get him socks or a tie or a watch. Get him some handcuffs, leather jacket, something exciting, maybe motor bike lessons perhaps but make him know that you care about him as much as he cares to buy you another tennis bracelet or diamond earrings.

Now its not a given that women should cook all the time but if you do majority of the cooking it would be nice to see you in the kitchen in heels and a nice dress preparing something sexy like pasta primavera or a chocolate soufflé with a table set for one cause you plan to sit on his lap and feed him dinner/desert wearing nothing but the said heels. Think its too much, ok fine. See how much it is when he loses interests in extra curricular activities because he is all tapped out of ideas and suggestions and you’re on the living room floor with your girlfriends, drinking his wine, questioning his fidelity. Mind you that if he leaves it would be because the other women would have gone the extra mile to entice said man because she knows that he is a good catch and she would have caught you falling asleep at the wheel. Thus the cycle would continue. So why not break the cycle, be motivated towards your mate. Make him/her feel like the first lady/commander in chief. Don’t treat him like the gardener and expect presidential suite service. 


It was refreshing to hear this coming from a woman’s perspective but I had to ask myself as to how many women out there have done something spontaneous for their man whether in the bedroom or not (please no hand raising necessary). It might be the masses or it might be a few. Is society to blame by showing images of women always receiving grandiose gifts and exotic treatment while a man gets another tie? Maybe so but buying into television reality is not prescribed. Truth be told most men (I) are willing to jump through hoops of fire in a lions den with a Chinese assassin hurling 8 point stars at us to get the women they want (unintellectuals need not apply) all we ask is that when the rubber hits the road that women make it worth our while. Truth be told as responsible men we expect to put out for dates, movies, late night runs to honey cutter, hitch hiking to come and see you, meeting the family etc. It is our duty to say the least. We need some encouragement though besides the obvious. We need back as much as we put out. There is no use being an alpha male without a she male that is willing not only to fend off all other she males but one who grooms your coat and chips in with the hunting and gathering from time to time.

I would pay to see the man who doesn’t want to have a woman he can not only count on to be there come what may but one who knows he is worthy of her love and effort regardless of time of day or occasion.

The critics will say “what of the men who don’t man up and meet even the basic of expectations”? They are out there. Separating the men from the boys is as hard as separating the women from the girls but it can be done.


Settling for less than what you deserve is deserving what you settle for.

P.S. a little compromise goes a long way.

or some motivation 


Written by Shawn Maile and Kae-Toya Lee-Bramble

Autumn House happenings: I will follow him

"See, when I get the strength to leave, you
Always tell me that you need, me
And I'm weak cause I believe, you
And I'm mad because I love, you
So I stop and think that may-be
You can learn to appreciate, me
Then it all remains the same that
You ain't never gonna change"

This is  the hook from the song Foolish by Ashanti. She shares her pain about how she feels in regards to the way her man has been treating her. I can empathise with dear Ashanti She has loved is loving and is trying to hold on even though all the signs are there that  he will never be the man she wants him to be. I have found  over time that men and woman believe that everyone can be put into this one mould and be treated the same. However in reality everyone is different.


we all love cake but we have out preferences, sponge, trifle, pineapple upside down etc etc. We need to judge individuals on  their own ideals and values and stop trying to make everyone a carbon copy of the person we think they should be. Celebrate the quirks and weird habits we each posses these are what make us unique. 

Love: Should I, shouldn't I, will I, won't I

Tiana L. Mann  

     I have a few thoughts on this topic. I'm kinda old school, but it works. I believe the man's action/inaction determines the tone of the relationship. He may not say what he wants verbally, but his actions will show what he is ready for. If he wants to be exclusive, he'll make it known, and follow-up with actions to pursue that end. If making you a priority is not primary in his mind, his actions will show it. Feel free to ask questions of the man, but his actions speak louder. We (as women) have to determine what we can and cannot live with, and make our decisions/next moves based on how what we want squares with his actions. For instance, if you want a relationship, and dude is not making you a priority, then you have to take that into account, and decide whether you will stick-it out at third (of fifteenth place), or if you will stick to your guns until the man you want finds you. The truth is that it's disappointing when you like a guy, and you want to be his priority, but he has not made you one yet...we have to learn to readily accept that and then move on.

     My theory is that a good girlfriend makes a good wife. Even if you aren't planning on getting married now, if we (women) get into the habit of joining the pursuit (which I think a man should do), then it will be hard for us to really allow a man to be the leader in the relationship -- which is where he should be (well...at least any man that dates me needs to be a leader...I'm too strong of a woman to let a follower try to be my boo...SORRY! lol). As crazy as this sounds, I think it's best to play our role -- the prize to be won. It doesn't mean that we should be snobby brats demanding things and stuff that we would never do/give to a man. Instead, I just think a man should pursue a woman of interest. We have to remember to play our role, and not the man's -- no matter how slow we may think he's being. lol. Again, we are the prizes to be won...and if he won't play the game with the intensity of someone who wants to win... it's his loss...not yours. 

.......................

       This is a comment taken from a friends status. This week I read 3 Blog posts written by 3 very different women in regards to being cheated on/ why men cheat. And yes I too joined in the fist raising and the damn rights etc etc. I felt their pain and their loss and although I have never been in their shoes. I secretly counted myself lucky to have never been cheated on or been in love soooooooo deeply that it took me to the brink or insanity, or in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. And then the question came "when do you realize that you are number one for the other person in the relationship". the excerpt above is  one of the suggested answers. When we realize he is not playing with the intensity of someone who wants to win you let go and move on. One of my university professors said one of the reasons why women get the raw end of the deal sometimes in relationship is because they see the crap happening or going to happen and they stay, because they are afraid to let go. LET GO. Be knowledgeable about your worth and what you can bring to a relationship. Take comfort in that, know that if you didn't last and you  put your best foot forward in all your endeavours to make it work and when the curtain comes down bow gracefully out and leave.