Love: Should I, shouldn't I, will I, won't I

Tiana L. Mann  

     I have a few thoughts on this topic. I'm kinda old school, but it works. I believe the man's action/inaction determines the tone of the relationship. He may not say what he wants verbally, but his actions will show what he is ready for. If he wants to be exclusive, he'll make it known, and follow-up with actions to pursue that end. If making you a priority is not primary in his mind, his actions will show it. Feel free to ask questions of the man, but his actions speak louder. We (as women) have to determine what we can and cannot live with, and make our decisions/next moves based on how what we want squares with his actions. For instance, if you want a relationship, and dude is not making you a priority, then you have to take that into account, and decide whether you will stick-it out at third (of fifteenth place), or if you will stick to your guns until the man you want finds you. The truth is that it's disappointing when you like a guy, and you want to be his priority, but he has not made you one yet...we have to learn to readily accept that and then move on.

     My theory is that a good girlfriend makes a good wife. Even if you aren't planning on getting married now, if we (women) get into the habit of joining the pursuit (which I think a man should do), then it will be hard for us to really allow a man to be the leader in the relationship -- which is where he should be (well...at least any man that dates me needs to be a leader...I'm too strong of a woman to let a follower try to be my boo...SORRY! lol). As crazy as this sounds, I think it's best to play our role -- the prize to be won. It doesn't mean that we should be snobby brats demanding things and stuff that we would never do/give to a man. Instead, I just think a man should pursue a woman of interest. We have to remember to play our role, and not the man's -- no matter how slow we may think he's being. lol. Again, we are the prizes to be won...and if he won't play the game with the intensity of someone who wants to win... it's his loss...not yours. 

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       This is a comment taken from a friends status. This week I read 3 Blog posts written by 3 very different women in regards to being cheated on/ why men cheat. And yes I too joined in the fist raising and the damn rights etc etc. I felt their pain and their loss and although I have never been in their shoes. I secretly counted myself lucky to have never been cheated on or been in love soooooooo deeply that it took me to the brink or insanity, or in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. And then the question came "when do you realize that you are number one for the other person in the relationship". the excerpt above is  one of the suggested answers. When we realize he is not playing with the intensity of someone who wants to win you let go and move on. One of my university professors said one of the reasons why women get the raw end of the deal sometimes in relationship is because they see the crap happening or going to happen and they stay, because they are afraid to let go. LET GO. Be knowledgeable about your worth and what you can bring to a relationship. Take comfort in that, know that if you didn't last and you  put your best foot forward in all your endeavours to make it work and when the curtain comes down bow gracefully out and leave.